Crappy week...

I was up all night last night with hunger pains, the worst I have had in a while. I had to eat something this morning because my stomach felt like it was eating itself. I had a bowl of nasty oatmeal which wasn't even worth the calories. Yesterday I went to the doctor and decided to be honest on the stupid survey she made me take. I answered "yes" to feeling insecure about my body. Bad choice. She told me that I could never look like natalie portman in black swan because my bones were too big so why even try? Gee, that put me in a great mood. I had a depressing weekend of sitting at home alone on homecoming. If the week keeps going this way I don't know how I will make it through..

Stats! At last

I finally did it, I stepped on the scale. I was really scared and excpecting something crazy high but I pretty much maintained for the past month.
Offical stats:

Height: 5'3
Weight: 123.3 lbs
BMI: 21.8

Dinner and boredom

A propel zero (0 cals obvouisly haha) and a bowl of smart start cereal (250 cals?!?!) thats way more then my usual cereal, (and i used skim milk too!!) so much for "smart". It was all that was in the house though...my parents are so lazy about buying food which I guess is a good thing. And family dinners? Ha! Only on Thanksgiving and Christmas thank God. Blehh had dance today and felt so bloated, looking like a fat cow in my leotard! I seriously need to get on that scale, I'm so curious  where my weight is right now. I might finally get around to it tomorrow. I just finished an essay for english which luckily distracted me from eating more food. I also redesigned my theme of my blog out of boredom. I like it a lot better. Good night!

Inner thigh gap!

It's every girl's dream...I found these on another blog, I'm going to try them!

PS I got russian pointes today, can't wait to try them out!

Cheesy bagels galore....

I hate cheesy bagels!! 280 calories of grease...plus butter on one half and cream cheese on the other half..36+100+280=416!!!!! 416 calories for breakfast....what is this?? Going to skip lunch for sure try and eat as little as possible for the rest of today. I'm going to get new pointe shoes today and I'm so so so excited! Motivation! By the way I will be measuring my stats soon...I'm so afraid of the scale but I have to do it! I keep waiting for a day where I actually did well...but it never comes. Until now. This is another chance!

Profile photo in honor of...

Can you guess what my profile picture is of? Odette in Swan Lake! This year my ballet studio is putting on Swan Lake, I am soooo excited! We had rehersal today--it was exhausting! We're working on swan's entrance. I can't wait to start working on coda it's my favorite part!

10 Reasons Why

1. I want people to look at me and never again think I need to lose weight
2. I want people to think of me as skinny, never again as the chubby girl
3. I want to be able to eat in front of my friends without feeling self concious
4. I want to be able to eat in front of my family without one of them asking why I have that much on my plate
5. I want to be able to eat whatever I want and not care about the calories, my body is already perfect
6. I want to be able to be in my leotard and tights, look in the mirror and and admire my thin limbs
7. I want to not have to have a pit in my stomach when I step on the scale
8. I want to answer truthfully and be proud when people ask me how much I weigh
9. I want to step on the scale and smile
10. I want to look in the mirror and for the first time like what I see.